Apparently, this person has lost his domesticated walrus. It goes by the name of Tuskie and is slim and trim at only 325 pounds. The original owner offers a cash reward for information that will lead to the recovery of Tuskie, so stay alert.
How fast must a walrus move to get away, especially if it was just running down Massachusetts Avenue? As the poster says, they have a max speed of thirty-four miles per hour, which is terrifying.
Darn, We Don't Have the Rest of the Number
Kind of a shame that this is the world we live in now. Somebody is just trying to put up a poster, and it gets torn in half. Apparently, there is a large reward, so we'll keep our eyes peeled. We'll just have to call the number – oh.
Well, we're not sure what to do at this point. How can we collect our reward for finding the other half of the poster if there's no phone number? Guess we'll have to connect the two pieces like a puzzle.
He's Just Bragging
A little bit of judicious bolding, and this poster seems to be talking about how somebody lost a bunch of DVDs and is offering a reward for them.
A second glance reveals this isn't the case at all – the person who put the sign up is just excited to get to watch such a well-regarded show for the first time. If you want to watch along, you can call the number. We promise this is the last “Lost” joke.
There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea
Well, we're sorry, Steve, but we think Lieutenant Shiny Sides might be gone for good. And that's not just because he got away into the water – goldfish are notoriously frail. The good news is, it's going to be pretty easy to find a replacement soldier.
These classic pets all kind of have the same look, so it might be hard to know which one is actually Larry.
You're Better Off Returning Him
The original owner of this pooch offers a hundred dollars for the return of Axel, a year-old Husky, who is apparently a bat out of hell when it comes to energy.
Despite being friendly, Axel is a “major douchebag, and your misery is his joy.” If you find him, not only do you get a hundred big ones, but you also get to get rid of him. As the poster says, this is a win-win for you.