With online purveyors that sell just about anything, there’s a weird and peculiar underbelly filled with the remains of consumer culture. Let’s see what we can find.
Giant Bag of Cereal Marshmallows
Yes, cereal marshmallows taste better than skinny feels (eat it, Kate Moss), but surely that doesn't mean we should be serving giant bags of them?
This is childhood dreams coming true. Now, though, as adults, we're thinking this might not be such a great idea if you're not looking for an express ticket to insulin city.
Canned Cheeseburger
Originating from Sweden, this cheeseburger is as weird as it is expensive. While the price might be steep, we're more concerned about the quality of the ingredients after getting this shipped across the Atlantic ocean.
So either you can head over to your nearest fast-food chain and order six cheeseburgers or you can get this cheeseburger in a can for the exact same price.
Nicolas Cage Pillowcase
Why would anyone be content on wrapping themselves in a Cage? The better question might be: Why not?
This Nicolas Cage pillowcase is like a tangible hug from the celebrity actor we all grew up loving. For the comparably low price of $13.99, you can get this inanimate pillowcase that won more Oscars than Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mayo Ice Cream, Anyone?
While you might mistake this for regular vanilla ice cream, the overwhelming taste of mayonnaise will definitely remind you that this is, indeed, not a dessert.
Hellman's really seems to want us to enjoy the savory side of creamy gelato. We’ve seen some questionable flavors of food products in our lifetimes, but this strange concoction really takes the cake, or is it the sandwich?
Lightsaber Chopsticks
Fans of the sci-fi franchise "Star Wars" are bound to adore these light-up utensils. If you're looking to impress all your guests by taking them to another galaxy, far, far away, then these are the chopsticks you're looking for.
They come in all sorts of colors, from red, blue, and even yellow. These bad boys will only set you back $10, which is a small price to pay when you want to make eating fun.
Canned Reindeer
A food revolution of sorts coming in the form of a can filled with an arctic delicacy may not seem as appetizing but since reindeer are raised on a farm on diets of moss and lichen, it's much healthier than any other store-bought meat product you could find.
You'll have to dish out around $30 for some canned reindeer. Not a reindeer fan? Browsing around this list is sure to give you some alternatives.
Canned Ladybugs
One ladybug randomly landing on you is good luck, but 1,500 in a can is just creepy.
They say bugs are the food of the future, and according to the latest news, there are currently over 2 billion people around the world eating insects. If you’re one of them, give these a try.
Cricket Chips
If you think eating bugs is just another fad, think again. These crunchy snacks are actually made from cricket flour and with more than one entry on edible insects, it seems this trend is here to stay.
Maybe we should all be more like Timon and Pumbaa, and eat these cricket chips by the handful while not caring what other people say.
A Yodelling Pickle
This one is for all those pickle enthusiasts out there! Here you have an electronic yodeling pickle. Apparently, Amazon stocks these musical toys for those that have everything except a yodeling pickle.
With a mere press of a button (yes, it has a button) this little pickle will yodel its heart out. You'll think you're in the Swiss Alps listening to a yodeling pickle.
Inflatable Animals
Straight out of a safari, well almost. These inflatable animals come in a pack that includes giraffes, zebras, and elephants.
Now, at first, we were wondering "why would anyone want a cheap inflatable that's not nearly as cuddly as a toy?" But Google told us they're great decorations for safari-themed festivities and could be that ideal summer accessory for poolside soirées and beach parties.
Tattoo Removal Laser
We're not opposed to tattoos. They can be a meaningful way to decorate your body.
Here's a tip, though — if you're not competent enough to get a decent tattoo in the first place, it's highly likely that you shouldn't try to burn it off by yourself with this tattoo removal laser beam. Put your credit card down, and make an appointment with a professional.
The Worst Valentine's Gift
To state the painfully obvious — when you're in love, your brain stops working and all those pesky hormones cloud your judgment, making you prone to buy things to impress your sweetheart without any shred of common sense.
While nothing says "I want to express my undying love towards you..." A heart-shaped lump of meat may not be the best gift to give anyone, ever.
Coyote Urine
It's no secret that you can find some super-niche stuff on the internet, and this crazy product of Coyote urine is no exception.
For the low price of $10, you can become your own fortress of isolation as this unique blend has been formulated to repel all those unwanted humans from approaching you ever again.
Mini Mochi Squishie Toy Pack
With the expectations of everyday life, it's not difficult to understand why someone would want to order a few stress balls.
While buying one pack of 75 stress balls isn't really that offensive, it does raise a lot of valid questions. Mainly: what kind of life are you living that makes just one stress-ball hardly enough?
Five Two Dollar Bills
All of the items on this list are all well and good when it comes to strange products, but it's not really the off-brand disappointment that is a set of two-dollar bills!
For the quite reasonable price of $15, you can be the proud owner of... ten dollars. Many of these oddities are hard to believe, but this one has left us dumbfounded.
Cat Entertainment
Cat ladies have long bristled at the charge, maybe it's because they have nine cats or every room in their house is adorned with cat accessories. If they really wanted to prove their loyalties, though, they should get this entertaining VHS tape for cats.
Assuming you still have the proper equipment to play it, it will blow all other crazy cat paraphernalia out of the water.
Pickle Mustard
Move over regular mustard, there's a new kid on the block. as weird as it sounds, this strange news sauce might become the next BBQ go-to.
Think hot and spicy mustard meets tangy pickles, and somehow, someone figured out how to get these two acids to coexist in the same jar.
Full Body Spandex Suit
We thought they had already done everything there was to do with spandex, but we were wrong.
This whole thing seems super dodgy. As would most products involving spandex. And in our humble opinion, there should be a chapter in the Geneva Convention dedicated to the illegality of this suit.
Uranium Ore
What can we say, it's uranium, it's radioactive and somehow it's... legal? As far as we know. Thank goodness Kim Jong Un doesn't have access to the Internet.
For all the chemical nerds out there who miss doing experiments in the lab, they can now order this online. Best be careful, though, and practice all the necessary safety measures to avoid any uncalled-for consequences.
Mushroom Lamp
You know you've reached a certain age when you start getting excited about lamps… but here we are.
Each year, as we look towards another dark and cold winter, we'd like to set up our interior for some earthy decor that also exudes a bit of warmth and color. You can find handmade versions of these lamps on Etsy too. These are probably one of our favorite items on this list.
Squid ink
Known for its rich, black color, Squid ink has been used in cuisine for centuries and now you can buy it in a jar!
We actually like squid ink pasta, even if it makes us look like the toothless Dragon from the animated movie "How to Train Your Dragon." But since we have access to this jar, we can now enjoy our squid ink straight out of our kitchen.
Century Eggs
They might be called century eggs, but these preserved eggs aren't really 100 years old... though they might as well be.
While there's really no appropriate analog for eggs, preserved eggs are a fairly common dish in China, and nowadays, everyone wants to spice up their egg game with a little more flavor. A little of these preserved eggs goes a long way, so we don't recommend eating them on their own.
Whole Rabbit
Basically, every novel purchase is like a game of chance: you might find a fantastic new food to enjoy when you're out of ideas. But probably not.
Trust us when we say, wild rabbits are extremely difficult to catch. This is another example of 21st-century technology intervening to make our lives a lot easier. Less fun, but definitely easier.
Pre-Filled Communion Cups
Has communion always been a favorite part of your visits to church? Fellowship cups are the perfect soul-cleansing pick-me-up for when you're on the go.
Honestly, we're not sure why anyone would be ordering this online, but perhaps these pre-filled cups are exactly what you needed but you just never knew existed.
Accountability Banana
If you're the type of person who likes being side-eyed and scrutinized by a judgy piece of potassium, this one ןs for you!
The "Accountability Banana" will keep a creepy eye on you while you're minding your own business, giving you severe glances that might help remind you to do your chores, or whatever it is you need to do.
50lb Bulk MSG
Do you find your current diet lacking that distinct "budget processed food" taste? Do you find that healthy levels of chemicals in your food just aren't cutting it for your palate?
Maybe you want some time off from work so you plan to set off your blood pressure? Honestly, we don't know, why would anyone need a 50lb bulk bag of pure MSG?
Caffeinated Water
It's time to think outside the conventional cup of smooth, energizing, and occasionally flavored coffee.
With Starbucks rolling out an order every other week, you might be overwhelmed when it comes to placing your order, or maybe you're just tired of all the endless possibilities when it comes to ordering coffee. So if you can't pick a side, then this might be right the right mix for you!
Canned Smoked Rattlesnake
We can’t personally vouch for this because we didn’t have canned rattlesnake handy, but how crazy would it be to have to pick out pieces of smoked rattlesnake from your teeth?
While rattlesnakes are incredibly venomous, they're not poisonous, meaning you don't want to be bitten by one, but it's totally safe to sink your teeth into a canned version of this reptile.
Spam Snacks
Do you need some spam snacks? Probably not. We can think of a million other snacks you can buy instead of this.
Spam is gross but also preserves really well, so people from the 1950s put it on a pedestal. Now, however, we repurpose it into snacks. Don’t be afraid to try out these snacks while they're having this moment.
Canned Haggis
If you didn’t know already, Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish consisting of a sheep’s offal mixed in with oatmeal, which is then boiled in a bag made from sheep’s stomach for several hours.
Sounds delicious, right? Surprisingly, this feature on our list involves haggis that's been canned, not thrown up.
Handerpants
Just to be clear, these are meant for your hands. To put it in plain English, we mean these underpants are meant to be worn as gloves.
Well, um... you could probably put these on as underwear if you could fit in them, but that just seems a little excessive. Anyway, at least they have clever names.
Giant Burrito Blanket
Apparently, some people really like burritos. Like really, really like burritos, so much so, that they want to be wrapped up in one.
So, we guess this is just a "novelty," but it felt like an inclusion here was warranted. It just goes to show that almost anything can be repurposed into a blanket if you try hard enough.
Mobile Phone Jail Cell
This is the gift for our time, everyone will benefit from this cellphone jail, though not everyone will like it. This is one way to stop electronic screens from interrupting quality time with your friends and family.
When it’s high time to get off your smartphone and get back to some real human interaction. Screen addicts be wary: you need a key to open this cell phone holding cell.
The Hen Bag Handbag
Why get the latest Hermès bag straight off the runway when you can have a rubber chicken purse from Amazon? It's fresh, different and chances are, no one else will have anything like it.
Heads will turn as you carry this Hen handbag down the street. It is sure to bring a smile to others and makes for a fun gift!
Fun Time Multi-Colored Rug
This carpeting idea has been a striking flooring choice, or at the very least, a trendy look, say, 20 years ago, but now it’s just depressing.
If you're looking for an outdated rug why not hit up your local thrift store or even the closest dumpster? Otherwise, if this kind of rug looks like the exact style you're going for, we won't judge you. Or maybe just a bit.
Zig Zag Brownie Pan
Brownies are awesome, but we are traditional people. We like things to be done in a certain way, and that applies to brownies, too.
Whatever happened to making brownies in a huge square pan and cutting the final product into smaller squares? This shoots and ladders version of a pan belongs nowhere near our kitchen.
Oakley Tree Face
What will they think of next... This will metamorphose & transform your trees into actual people who will probably come to haunt your dreams with their reimagined woody conifer faces!
They might brand it as whimsical and silly, but is it really? Do you really want the tree in your backyard to look like a creepy uncle?
Colgate Lasagna?
Wow. Just… wow. If you love lasagna and you want everyone to know it (or at least everyone who comes within five feet of you), this is the item for you!
We know that in the past, commercial businesses did basically whatever they wanted, throwing their egg in multiple baskets to try to make a buck, but this beef lasagna by Colgate just isn’t doing it for us.
Thin Mint Chickpeas
The first thing that people will point to is the vast array of Chickpea products. We're the last people to say that hummus, roasted chickpeas, and that delightful chocolate-covered chickpeas aren't great.
Now, chickpeas have had another makeover, thanks to the Girl Scouts. These protein-packed, high-fiber chickpeas are baked until crispy and dipped in minty dark chocolate for a crunchy munch.
Bacon in a Bottle
There are, we'd wager, worse things you could spend your hard-earned money on, and with bacon being such a powerful force, it seems quite fitting that you can now buy it in a bottle.
With cheesy bacon and original flavors available, this Bacon in a bottle spice mix seems to be the newest variation of this American staple.
Canned Bread?
If you want to talk about breaking rules, how about this canned bread? These reinvented slices of bread swap out the typical plastic or paper bags for well preserved sliced loaves, making them good for the outdoors.
Honestly, though, besides camping outdoors or expecting an apocalypse, we don't see another reason why anyone would want to buy canned bread.
Pickle-Flavored Popcorn
There was a time when pickles were solely used for potato salads... well not anymore. Now there's a massive surge towards pickle-flavored products and we're all for it.
It seems caramel-covered popcorn's time is up and based on the raving reviews for pickle-flavored popcorn, they're definitely worth a try.
Unicorn Magic Snack Pack
If you need a pick-me-up, Snack Pack is here to brighten your day, and take you to a world quite different than our own.
With colorful treats that are made with "star dust, fairy dust, and princess kisses," you too can forget your adult responsibilities and journey back to something reminiscent of a fairy tale.
Canned Bird’s Nest
Bird’s nest soup has been considered a delicacy by the Chinese for hundreds of years. It’s made using the dainty nests that have been collected and then cooked in a broth.
These edible abodes are one of the most expensive animal-based products you could find; they are tough to find and need to be thoroughly cleaned. Pop a tab on this canned bird’s nest drink, and get your vitamins on the go.
Plush Rotisserie Chicken Toy
At long last, an entree that we can all can agree on — a plush whole roasted chicken! Embraced by carnivores and herbivores alike, this is the perfect soft toy to gift your dog when he's been an exceptionally good boy.
A handful of people have reviewed this purchase and chimed in with their experiences that are both helpful and funny.
Edible Tarantula
Sure, spiders are scary and tarantulas are no exception, but do they really deserve to be manufactured for our consumption?
While edible spiders aren't yet a trend in the novelty food market, they do exist. If you have a friend who isn't a fan of spiders, this might be a great April fool's gift. Side note: Edible Tarantula is a great name for a rock band.
Zen Kitty Litter Box
Seeing as cats rule the internet, it's only fitting that we have some cat-themed products on our list. With cat lovers being a little fanatical when it comes to their fur babies, this might be a good way to really get in the zone and zen out.
You can even get a novelty zen garden that comes complete with a little tray that's also a “litter box”, sand, feline figurines, and ornamental rocks.
Giant Wheel of Aged-Cheese
You might be a self-proclaimed cheese boffin, but it's highly likely that you've never enjoyed a giant wheel of pure, unadulterated cheese.
If you budget accordingly, this Parmigiano Reggiano cheese wheel can be yours for $1,300. So why not expand your cheese horizons and make those cheesy dreams come true?
Man Glitter
Give a man some tools and flannel shirts, and he'll entertain himself for a day.
Now give him a bag of novelty sawdust, also known as man glitter, and he'll start doing minor renovations and occasional domestic repair for the rest of his life with his artificially deep voice.