Hawaii premiered on NBC in 2004, but it failed to survive for a full season; after only seven episodes, the network pulled the plug. They didn’t even bother airing the eighth episode, despite it having been filmed and produced. The ratings were so terrible it wasn’t worth putting anyone through the hell of another failed reception for the poor, dismal show. As you may have guessed from the name, Hawaii was supposed to be a new, revamped version of the cult classic, Hawaii Five-O. But this cop drama fell flat on its face with critics saying it didn’t even come close to comparing to the show that inspired it.
While there were many scathing critiques to choose from, we feel The San Francisco Chronicle hit the nail right on the head with their review: “Hawaii isn’t half as cool as Hawaii Five-O, nor nearly as frothy fun as Magnum P.I. What it amounts to, in an ocean of really good cop shows across the dial, is a retro failure built around people you don’t really care about saying stupid things you can’t muster enough interest to snicker over.” Harsh but, we dare say, fair.
2001: Black Scorpion
Back in 2001, the Sci-Fi Channel took a chance on a new show they hoped would be a hit: Black Scorpion. The storyline centered around protagonist, Darcy Walker. This bad-ass lady was a police officer by day, but by night, she donned a black leather getup (complete with an uncomfortable looking waistline and unflattering mask) to become the crime-fighting superhero, Black Scorpion. One look at the promotional photo and you can probably figure out why the show only managed to scrape out one season. Let’s just say the quality of the scriptwriting and performances matched the quality of the photo. While it seems this may have been the intention of the show—aiming to capture that elusive “so bad it’s good” subset of fandom—they failed dismally.
According to Michael Farkash, a writer for The Hollywood Reporter, “[Black Scorpion] suffers from banal and repetitive dialogue, weak comedy, obvious puns and no plot surprises to speak of. In other words, it’s trying to recreate the campy tone of the old ‘Batman’ TV series. Mix that up with real martial-arts battles and plenty of explosions.”
2002: That ’80s Show
Given the heights of popularity that were reached by That 70s Show, it’s safe to say the creators of That 80s Show thought the success of their spin-off was in the bag. Fans of That 70s Show will remember the insane levels of hype that were created around the show that promised to give us a whole new decade of laughs. However, on its release in 2002, That 80s Show failed dismally in its attempt to live up to the high expectations produced by the hype. Neither the plot nor the characters had any direct connection to That 70s Show. All it took was the name and the basic concept of offering a trip down memory lane in order to celebrate and poke fun at the past.
While this concept worked fantastically in That 70s Show, it just didn’t work with fans a second time around. James Poniewozik of Time magazine wrote, “80s is full of unlikable stereotypes who were already well-parodied cliches two decades ago.” The San Francisco Chronicle added to the attack, explaining, “the new show takes a wispy idea and stretches it past its limit, leaving no laughs, no character development, and certainly no impetus to watch again.”
2005: Killer Instinct
When it comes to cop shows, it seems critics are especially difficult to win over. 2005 marked the arrival of yet another failure of a crime drama: Killer Instinct. In fact, the show won the dubious honor of being decreed one of the worst-rated shows of the year. Congratulations? An attempt at breaking into the “gritty crime drama” genre, Killer Instinct was so cringe-worthy it was canned before the year was out. This was one of those offerings that appealed to a select group of fans. These guys were numerous enough to allow the show to at least finish out its first season.
While it clearly had something going for it as far as everyday viewers went, the critics weren’t nearly as generous. USA Today described it as being Fox’s worst show of the season. Meanwhile, The New York Daily News decreed, “it’s a show so determined to shock that it cares more about that than about such things as compelling lead characters, believable situations or inventively solved mysteries.”
2005: Ghost Whisperer
It seems 2005 was a good year for terrible TV. The same year that Hawaii flopped on (and quickly off) our silver screens, another disaster was brewing. This one was an attempt to conquer the supernatural mystery genre and it featured 90s scream queen, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Those of you with a good memory will, by now, have the words, Ghost Whisperer, emerging from your minds. While the show fared phenomenally better than most of those to grace this list, critics despised it, right from the first episode. Fortune, though, was shining on the fading 90s star as her fans were persistent enough to allow Ghost Whisperer to last a full five seasons before being canned.
While the idea of Jennifer Love Hewitt hanging out with a bunch of ghosts seems like it could have some merit to it, the premiere failed to draw much interest and then failed to impress many of those who gave it a shot. One of the biggest problems was that people came to the show hoping for supernatural thrills but were instead given sentimental drama. The New York Times insisted that “neither Ms. Hewitt nor her series are malevolent forces, and the producers can feel as good as they choose about a cloying job well done.”